GAMercer Posted November 5, 2004 Report Share Posted November 5, 2004 Hello all. I may be the first American subscriber to SniffPetrol's forum, so I would like to volunteer: 1. To absorb cheap shots about how crappy American cars are. 2. To absorb similar shots re our bozo President. Just trying to be helpful! I bought Crap Cars from Amazon UK and must say I am distressed at how few Detroit products made it in. Will a separate volume be devoted to us? Okay, standing by for abuse starting now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 5, 2004 Report Share Posted November 5, 2004 Hm, and I thought I was the only one. And you shouldn't be absorbing cheap shots about how crappy American cars are, you should be making the shots, like me. It'd be a blatant lie to say we made good cars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xspencex Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 Ah two Americans ....Please explain this monstrosaty Welcome!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 Hm, well let's see. I'm sure that sinfully ugly "thing" is either owned by a small white man who thinks he's a black "pimp daddy", or a black man who thinks he's a "pimp daddy". Nobody of ANY skin color with some brains would be caught in one of those. If you're not familiar with the Hummer H2, this is the best way I can describe it: Use the name of an insanely tough military truck on a narrow, tall, overpriced, underpowered, weakly built piece of crap with NOTHING in common except the name. And typical GM quality (if that's not a contradiction). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xspencex Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 Its a strange tank... I'm familiar with them, seen a few about in the middle east and here in the UK. Its the 'Bling mobile'!! Its a heavily reworked Chevy, just bulk no quality... Terrible off road and I mean TERRIBLE!! Just don't see the point. Its defo the ultimate 'wee man mobile'!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 [ QUOTE ] Terrible off road and I mean TERRIBLE!! Just don't see the point. [/ QUOTE ] I saw a video of one trying to off-road and the axle snapped. I was laughing pretty hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barchetta Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 It's basically a Chevy Tahoe, only worse. What's next, a Hummer based on the Chevy Avalanche pickup? But have a look at the Pontiac Aztec -- it's horrendous and will even make a Fiat Multipla look pretty in comparison (erm.. almost) ... Marc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snail Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 Wow, that aztec is uglier than some of the women i've woken up next to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 I take back everything I've ever said about the BMW 5 Series and Chris Bangle!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAMercer Posted November 7, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 Asking an American to explain the Hummer (which at least in the USA is also a slang synonym for "blow job," which should be telling) is probably like asking an Australian to explain Vegemite: this is beyond the realm of normal human discourse. For those of you familiar with Tonka brand toy trucks you could see some echo of them in the Hummer... add in a dose of GI Joe action figures and you get closer. As a vehicle well these is no possible excuse. I will take the opportunity to restate Mercer's Rule of the Road #43 here: "The larger the SUV the fewer people in it," in that while I see overloaded Suzuki Samurai's every week I never see a Hummer with more than the driver in it. This might be because the passengers are hunkered down to avoid the sheer embarrassment of being seen in the thing. One of the most hilarious aspects of the Hummer is that when J D Power surveyed owners of the thing they found the biggest complaint was "poor fuel economy." Well, well, never woulda thought of that myself... In closing, there may indeed be a God in heaven or at least dawning intelligence among would-be Hummer buyers, in that sales of this beast have badly tanked (pun intended) and dealers are having trouble giving them away. Okay, I lied, one last thing: I thought these lumps on AMERICAN roads were the ultimate expression of 4-wheel pointlessness, but then I saw one on the streets in PARIS (Paris, France, not Paris, Texas)and realized I had been trumped. Nope, I reallyt did lie, this is the last thing, a genuine Hummer joke: Q: Why is the Hummer actually environmentally friendly? A: When you get in the thing it is so large that it is likely one of the rear doors is actually half-way to your destination already. Ok, done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAMercer Posted November 7, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 Aztek versus Multipla shoot-out? Talk about battle of the bottom-feeders. However I do have to point out it is Aztek not Aztec.... GM product planners were probably worried about finding stone daggers in their hearts and entrails removed by enraged Mesoamerican priests if they actually spelled the thing the same way as the ancient civilization.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omi Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 [ QUOTE ] I take back everything I've ever said about the BMW 5 Series and Chris Bangle!! [/ QUOTE ] No, don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelCFC25 Posted November 8, 2004 Report Share Posted November 8, 2004 Hi gents, another loyal American reader just signed up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sniff Petrol Posted November 8, 2004 Report Share Posted November 8, 2004 Hello to Americans. In answer to GAMercer's question, there will be an American version of Crap Cars - featuring almost entirely American cars - coming out soon. Thanks for asking. And yes, the Aztek will be in there if the lawyers let me. Apparently it should be okay. God bless the First Amendment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluffy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 OK American people, I feel left out. This is not as spectacular as being American but it's the next best thing what with our respective leaders being so chummy 'n all...I am an Aussie subscriber...and I hate my country's cars as much as you do. Although I reckon the US of frickin A's road system is much better than ours...you bastards.... I like going to the movies, meeting people, walking on the beach at sunset and canning serial meat heads who actually think that Australian cars have any redeeming qualities and are actually good on racetracks so much so that we create a category of touring car racing purely devoted to making both Aussie brands look good by not allowing them to compete against the outside world.......(deep breath) Sorry about the long sentence and hurrah to Sniff Petrol for hours of pants-wetting workday entertainment. Please do something on SP about the Holden Monaro. Please. There is nothing quite as funny as seeing such an overstated piece of bile get berated by a witty person. Cop y'z later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] OK American people, I feel left out. This is not as spectacular as being American but it's the next best thing what with our respective leaders being so chummy 'n all...I am an Aussie subscriber...and I hate my country's cars as much as you do. Although I reckon the US of frickin A's road system is much better than ours...you bastards.... [/ QUOTE ] You have NO idea of the evil you talk... [ QUOTE ] I like going to the movies, meeting people, walking on the beach at sunset and canning serial meat heads who actually think that Australian cars have any redeeming qualities and are actually good on racetracks so much so that we create a category of touring car racing purely devoted to making both Aussie brands look good by not allowing them to compete against the outside world.......(deep breath) Sorry about the long sentence and hurrah to Sniff Petrol for hours of pants-wetting workday entertainment. Please do something on SP about the Holden Monaro. Please. There is nothing quite as funny as seeing such an overstated piece of bile get berated by a witty person. Cop y'z later [/ QUOTE ] From issue 49. And sorry for saying this, but I love the Ford TS50 and Falcon XR6 Turbo...then again we get the Taurus which could be argued as the worst, most bland car on the planet, so that's no surprise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluffy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Oh yeah, that's right...I did see the Game over Ad, thanks for that. Love it. I was kinda more interested in an SP take on how the Monaro, or a facsimile thereof, is allowed to race in a production-based exotics series (Lambos, Ferraris, Porsches etc), as a space frame chassis with an LMR Corvette 7 Litre V8 made to look like a Monaro. Australia takes on the world, say the knuckle draggers... XR6 Turbo is not a bad bus but still a Falcon and will fall apart in a year or two. I have a BA, the base model. Nice motors- Ford Oz finally worked out that more than two valves per cylinder could be done. Good for them!! Yep, we like our cars big and fast here in Oz. Then we are forced to drive on runway-class freeways at usually no more than 80km/h. What's the point in living. Needless to say our road toll is mostly due to bored, tired drivers. Cheerio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Apparently American car manufacturers think we like our cars big, slow, and front wheel drive with anemic pushrod engines (in GM's case, anyway). Our exciting US Ford lineup? The OLD MODEL Ford Focus! Yes, we AREN'T getting the next generation! We've never even gotten the RS! Just a mediocre car called the SVT (ST180 to you Brits) that was canned just to piss me off! (I actually rather liked the SVT...) The Ford Mustang! 40 years and STILL no independent rear suspension! The Ford Taurus! A pig of a sedan that you generally see driven by folks who really don't know better! (Ford manages to sell them new for $11,000...the Focus costs more than that!) The Ford Five Hundred! Ford's answer to the question that the BMW answered in the early 80's! The Ford Crown Victoria! It's GIANT, it's ugly, and cops drive them! (It's amusing to see highway traffic slow down at the sight of one, then speed up when they realize it's just an old couple) The Ford Thunderbird! Ford disgraces one of the most revolutionary cars it ever made by making it overpriced, ugly, and extremely slow! And there you have it...and I haven't even gone through GM or Chrysler. You Aussies have it better than you think.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluffy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] Apparently American car manufacturers think we like our cars big, slow, and <font color="red">front wheel drive</font> with anemic pushrod engines (in GM's case, anyway) [/ QUOTE ] Egads!! No wonder you like the XR6! You'd be happy with any large RWD made with pride in Ors-trayah. You poor buggers. This, I can understand. New Zealanders however... They've got RS Turbos, Lots of GT4 Celicas, WRX's, various other assorted AWD rockets and Euro hatches, windy roads...yet they like Aussie cars. I'm sure we're sending you guys a boatload of Monaros, um...Pontiac GTO or woteva the heck it's called...enjoy!!! Next you'll be telling me you enjoy Aussie V8 Supercar racing...do you guys get it on cable up there? It's very entertaining. If you like that kinda thing. Namely, racing cars with pushrods, live rear...and if you can't count past 2...(2 manufacturers, 2 valves per cylinder.. ) They make ChampCar look hi tech! (I don't mind champ car by the way ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Apparently American car manufacturers think we like our cars big, slow, and <font color="red">front wheel drive</font> with anemic pushrod engines (in GM's case, anyway) [/ QUOTE ] Egads!! No wonder you like the XR6! You'd be happy with any large RWD made with pride in Ors-trayah. You poor buggers. This, I can understand. New Zealanders however... They've got RS Turbos, Lots of GT4 Celicas, WRX's, various other assorted AWD rockets and Euro hatches, windy roads...yet they like Aussie cars. I'm sure we're sending you guys a boatload of Monaros, um...Pontiac GTO or woteva the heck it's called...enjoy!!! Next you'll be telling me you enjoy Aussie V8 Supercar racing...do you guys get it on cable up there? It's very entertaining. If you like that kinda thing. Namely, racing cars with pushrods, live rear...and if you can't count past 2...(2 manufacturers, 2 valves per cylinder.. ) They make ChampCar look hi tech! (I don't mind champ car by the way ) [/ QUOTE ] I'm familiar with the V8 Supercars. WRC and ToCA racing are my favorites, but let's just say that NASCAR (my country's favorite form of auto racing) makes the V8 Supercars look like Formula 1 cars. My country seems to be stuck in the concept that driving in a circle with 100 cars that are exactly alike and not even particularly fast baffles me. I quite dislike the Pontiac GTO. It's just an uglier Monaro. Plus I hear the engine has some oil starvation problems. I'd love to get the HSV's here though. I'd love to live in Zealand. Those guys get all the cool cars. It's a total shame. I think in order to become an American car manufacturer you need to make at least 3 4000 lb. front wheel drive cars with 140HP pushrod V6's. Makes me wonder why I live here, then again at age 15, I really have no choice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluffy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] then again at age 15, I really have no choice... [/ QUOTE ] Apart from your eloquence and superior vocabulary, you are clearly the most cynical and jaded 15 year old I have ever come across, who takes delight in belittling things around you rather than see the good in things. Bravo for that!! ...but shouldn't you be in bed?? (Sorry...couldn't resist that ) I'm old... Yeppers, the HSV GTS 300kw jobbie by Holden was quite a piece of work. It even managed to impress the Euros when it took on a Bimmer 5 series and Merc V8 around the wonderful, beautiful piece of tarmac called "The Nordschleife". I suppose I can't knock a car that does that. The brakes and suspension are still shite though. Agreed. NASCAR is the ultimate formula meat-head, racing for the masses. Even Australia's attempt at it failed dismally. A few miles from where I write is Australia's only, now disused super-speedway. Ha!! My heart still bleeds. I had no idea it was so bad over there. Oh well, at least you have ALMS, nice places like Road America, Laguna Seca and Watkins Glen. They're as good as Bathurst! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] then again at age 15, I really have no choice... [/ QUOTE ] Apart from your eloquence and superior vocabulary, you are clearly the most cynical and jaded 15 year old I have ever come across, who takes delight in belittling things around you rather than see the good in things. Bravo for that!! [/ QUOTE ] I take extreme pride in that. Now I've heard it from someone else and it feels even better [ QUOTE ] ...but shouldn't you be in bed?? (Sorry...couldn't resist that ) I'm old... [/ QUOTE ] Hey, it's only 10:30 PM! I've gone nights with no sleep at all before. [ QUOTE ] Yeppers, the HSV GTS 300kw jobbie by Holden was quite a piece of work. It even managed to impress the Euros when it took on a Bimmer 5 series and Merc V8 around the wonderful, beautiful piece of tarmac called "The Nordschleife". I suppose I can't knock a car that does that. The brakes and suspension are still shite though. Agreed. NASCAR is the ultimate formula meat-head, racing for the masses. Even Australia's attempt at it failed dismally. A few miles from where I write is Australia's only, now disused super-speedway. Ha!! My heart still bleeds. I had no idea it was so bad over there. Oh well, at least you have ALMS, nice places like Road America, Laguna Seca and Watkins Glen. They're as good as Bathurst! [/ QUOTE ] Road America is a great course, and it's no more than a half hour away from where I live, too! However, I still dream of driving on Bathurst; the elevation changes make it seem like the greatest course ever in video games, so the real thing must be awesome. Unfortunately my car probably isn't up to the task of any sort of lapping day at this point. A 1991 Mazda 323 hatchback with an anemic 82 horsepower engine...all I really want is an Alfa or Audi or Peugeot or Fiat or something (interesting how 3 of the 4 marques I listed haven't imported here since the 80's)...I'd slaughter someone for a TVR but alas they haven't imported here since the 80's, and even if they did, they'd still be made of cheap plastic things that break easily. ...feck, give me a Rover SD1 or MG Maestro or anything I can use to differentiate myself from the punks with Honda Civics and stupidly loud exhausts and neon lights that look gaudy and stupid, and their automatic transmissions that they shift into neutral at lights to make it appear that they're driving a manual. Yes, I really do want to get out of here, and yes, I do have strong British heritage. Then again, it's not ALL bad. Our country's rally championship (although small and ignored by the FIA) is quite good and there's lots of competition. As stated we do have lots of good racetracks, and I'm told we get gas cheaper than anyone else in the world. Too bad our president is a total bastard who somehow got re-elected and will probably screw us over for four more years. Considering I want a career in auto mechanics, maybe I should just move to the UK or Australia and fix TVR's or Fords.... Alas, it is finally time for sleep. Doing nothing all day sure is tiring! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelCFC25 Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] then again we get the Taurus which could be argued as the worst, most bland car on the planet, so that's no surprise. [/ QUOTE ] Hmm, I think the Taurus would have to duke it out with the Toyota Camry to win that title. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mollox Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Surely its a foregone conclusion with the AMC Pacer taking that particular crown? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickDizzy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 [ QUOTE ] Surely its a foregone conclusion with the AMC Pacer taking that particular crown? [/ QUOTE ] At least the Pacer was different, but you could get it with a V8 and 4-speed manual so there was SOME good to be had there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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