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One Liners


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Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you


run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.


said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your


My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with


patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris


frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour madame'.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it

scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your


like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.

A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for us


pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said

........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's


have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off,


got a headache'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst


was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the



Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a

quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a

dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of

those again!

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5

kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where


hell she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of


They say it's only for the Christmas period.

A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her


Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the tip of



Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the

receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I

won't take it up the ar**'!

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Sandwich walks into a bar. Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

Penguin walks into a bar and says, "Have you seen my dad?" Barman says, "Dunno, what's he look like?"

William Shakespeare walks into a bar. Barman says, "Get out, yer bard!"

Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of 'em would've seen it.

Dyslexic walks into a bra.

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  • 2 weeks later...



two men are looking through a shop window at tele's, the first bloke says "That's the one I'd get" and then a cyclops walked round the corner and kicked the poo out of him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Had to think about that one


[/ QUOTE ]

Two weeks thinking about this one and I still don't get it blush.gifblush.gifconfused.gifSAUER0421.GIF is there something wrong with my brain? smashfreakB.gif

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