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Bad girlfriend problems...


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Well i would like you all to know. I have spit up with my girlfriend for goo. I have never cried as much, and not in years, but it is done. Luckily I have some amazing mates to fall back on and I know i will get through this. At the moment I am pretty pissed. The Mountgay has got to me. But I know this is the best thing in the long run. You cant be with someone that doesn't feel the same way back.

I would like to take the opportunity to thank you all for your help. It has really helped me. Knowing that someone else has been through it and come out fine is a great motivator to keep going. Enjoy the single life. And come out successful.

Again many thanks. And a reminder to anyone else on TSN we are here for you if your going through hard times.

Cheers lads one for you.

beerchug.gif Sam

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it sounds like this is something you have given a lot of though and are sure of - all i can say mate is dont let it get you down and be confident in your decision. I let it all drag out for ages when i had these sort of problems and it made it a lot worse.

All will come right in the end mate...

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[ QUOTE ]

But I know this is the best thing in the long run. You cant be with someone that doesn't feel the same way back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Never a truer word spoken mate. Hurts like feck, but better than the long painful route of loving someone that doesn't love you back the same way. frown.gif

You're not alone.

Good luck buddy. pengy.gif

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Sounds trite, but you won't always feel as bad as you do now and you will get over it - however it may take some time. I think it's probably fair to say that everyone here knows just how shite you feel and we can all understand and sympathise with you. There aren't any cure alls in this situation - basically you need to do something to take your mind off it because dwelling on it just won't get you anywhere.

Getting pissed and having meaningless sex may be a way of doing this - whatever works for you. Also try taking your anger/hurt/distress/pain out at the gym - it's very effective.

Good luck bro - we're all with you mate

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Saab - completely agree with you mate. What I used to do in this situation is take comfort in the fact that it feels bad now, but it WILL feel better after a while. It never gets worse (unless you mess each other about - see below). It's a healing process and little by little you do recover and the pain will go away.

Warning though: the worse thing I have found, is once you have made the decision to split, do it as completely and quickly as you can. Don't constantly keep in touch, talk it over endlessly, or have couple of relapses under the pretence of being "friends". I find that bing friends is never a substitute to the real thing, and always one of you wants to stay friends for the wrong reasons and hurt always follows. It's happened to me and I've seen it happen countless times. It's like picking a scab, leave it alone and it will heal. Pick it and you will get a nasty scar.

Good luck - have a bit of a wallow, you probably deserve it, but then make plans for the future, get on and enjoy the things you haven't been able to do while being in a couple.

Putting my Business Consultant hat on, you should turn what you see is a terrible time into a great opportunity! You can now to take a direction in life you hadn't considered possible before. Move town, get a new job in a new town, go travelling, throw yourself into a new sport, go and work in a bar etc. I promise you in a month you will be having the time of your life, I would be seriously concerned if you are not!

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[ QUOTE ]

Warning though: the worse thing I have found, is once you have made the decision to split, do it as completely and quickly as you can. Don't constantly keep in touch, talk it over endlessly, or have couple of relapses under the pretence of being "friends". I find that bing friends is never a substitute to the real thing, and always one of you wants to stay friends for the wrong reasons and hurt always follows. It's happened to me and I've seen it happen countless times. It's like picking a scab, leave it alone and it will heal. Pick it and you will get a nasty scar.

[/ QUOTE ]

Absolutely excellent advice. 169144-ok.gif169144-ok.gif169144-ok.gif169144-ok.gif169144-ok.gif

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Well I have felt pretty hungover all day. She was texting me last night saying things like:

"You were the most important thing in my life. Getting over you is going to be tha hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel sick and havent been able to get out of bed all day. It feels surreal."

and

"I want to be here for you and I want you to still be part of my life. I cant just pretend you don't exist".

and

She has spoke to a friend who said, " the initial shock will wear off in about a week and I (she) will be able to look at the situation with a clearer head and know if it the split was the right thing."

She then said, " What do you think?"

I said, " I miss you like crazy all ready. I really though we could make this work. But i just don't know!"

She hasn't replied to that one, which I sent early this afternoon. What I feel now is. I will get over it. I don't think we will get back together, but being friends is going to be a problem really for the foreseeable future at the moment. I don't know how I will ever be able to look at her in a different way. She has never been my friend, just my girlfriend. I don't know how to be like that with her...

Its going to break her heart, but I love her and the only thing that's fair on me and will let me get on with a new life is to completely break it off for a bit. When she said we will still be friends and I said I don't know, she had a horrified look on her face, like how could you say that. It must be different for her.

Anyway, I don't want to seem like I'm in complete despair, I'm not, i feel much better already. I know sorrow and loss comes in waves but at the moment I feel up, and and know the loss waves will reduce to nothing over time.

Thanks again.

Sam beerchug.gif

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[ QUOTE ]

Its going to break her heart, but I love her and the only thing that's fair on me and will let me get on with a new life is to completely break it off for a bit. When she said we will still be friends and I said I don't know, she had a horrified look on her face, like how could you say that. It must be different for her.

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Exactly right.

If you decide the split is wrong and get back together then fine, but if you feel that strongly about her then forget the "being friends" thing. It's not just the constant reminders and hurt, imagine how one of you will feel when the other (as will eventually inevitably happens) "moves on" and starts another relationship. It's devastating.

I've tried the "lets be friends" thing, it hurts like feck mate, don't do it. frown.gif

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maybe i just dont get this, but why the hell did you bother asking her in the first place? she could of easily said no, but instead decided to tell the truth - why ?.

you were "having a break" from each other - well that in itself means that things in the garden werent exactly rosy. so she kissed a guy whilst in this "having a break" period - seriously mate, big fcuking deal. either its a wake up call for you, or its goodbye to your relationship. dont try blaming her for the root cause of why this happened in the first place.

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My old man prefers the Cockspur rum to the Mount Gay stuff, but then each to their own!

Take it easy on that stuff Mr!

I must say though, each time I have broken up with a g/f, I have always remained friends and in touch. I feel regret, but still firends and it is easier with time. And then you realise - damn, I'm glad I'm out of that one!

Maybe I'm too soft, but I cannot be bothered to be mean after that - life is too short.

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