Ari Posted August 18, 2006 Report Share Posted August 18, 2006 A Dog's Diary > 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite! > 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite! > 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite! > Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite! > 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite! > 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite! > 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite! > 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite! > 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite! > 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite! > 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite! > 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite! > > > > A Cat's Diary > Day 183 of my captivity. > My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. > They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. > The > only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild > satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another > house plant. > Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while > they > were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the > stairs. > In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again > induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must try this on their > bed. > Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to > make > them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their > hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty > cat > I was. This is not working according to plan. > There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in > solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise > and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was > due > to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what > this > is and how to use it to my advantage. > I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog > is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously > a > half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He > speaks > with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his > current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. > But I can wait. > It's only a matter of time.................................. > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponge Posted August 18, 2006 Report Share Posted August 18, 2006 I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teacake Posted August 18, 2006 Report Share Posted August 18, 2006 For some reason, when reading the cat's diary I'm imagining the voice of Alan Rickman, and for the dog Brian Blessed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve2 Posted August 18, 2006 Report Share Posted August 18, 2006 Casper liked the mouse bit , but seeing as he bought a rabbit in last night he has moved onto bigger things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponge Posted August 19, 2006 Report Share Posted August 19, 2006 I pictured Rik Mayall for the dog. Still trying to think of someone for the cat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woppum Posted August 19, 2006 Report Share Posted August 19, 2006 Very good Feckin hate cats evil little c**ts!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 great! and why is it emails have to add that sodding > > > > > > > onto everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now