Ari Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Saw these and they made me chuckle. - It is impossible to have a debate about the pros and cons of the USA without the phrase "all be speaking German right now" being uttered. - Your chances of winning the lottery are only slightly reduced if you don't buy a ticket. - It's not officially winter until you've spotted a lone glove on a railing - Blokes who wrap up presents for each other are known as Homosexuals. - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - When given the choice between a night in the sack with Beyonce or Britney Spears, every man would prefer an hour operating a crane. - Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - From a male point of view the only good thing about marriage is that it affords you another 12 points on your license. - If you really have to tell an old flame that you are still in love with them, don't do it whilst falling down drunk in front of their family members and new boyfriend. - If any men out there are considering watching the classic Titanic movie, do bear in mind that it is an emotional film and you may therefore find yourself reaching for the Kleenex. Especially when Kate Winslet gets her spacehoppers out. - The 'hum' you hear when an Toyota Prius goes by is not the vehicles motor, but infact the 'hum' of the driver's self righteousness oscillating at a high frequency. - You will never be quite as worried a person as Tom Baker is. All the TV Doctors' are dying in order, and guess who's next.... - MEN: to a woman, NOTHING sounds better than the immortal words 'have you lost weight?' -No woman is ever happy until she finds a man who will make her truly miserable. -Drink like a fish and you'll end up battered. -The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. -Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. -Retarded people are happier than those of us who know what the fu*ks going on. -You don`t pay prostitutes for the sex, you pay them to go away afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] - When given the choice between a night in the sack with Beyonce or Britney Spears, every man would prefer an hour operating a crane. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] - The 'hum' you hear when an Toyota Prius goes by is not the vehicles motor, but infact the 'hum' of the driver's self righteousness oscillating at a high frequency. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted December 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 I rather like this, I can think of a few people this applies to... [ QUOTE ] -Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayerbloke Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] - The 'hum' you hear when an Toyota Prius goes by is not the vehicles motor, but infact the 'hum' of the driver's self righteousness oscillating at a high frequency. [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] -The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. [/ QUOTE ] Yes! 100% spot on! Pretty much anything can be made to see fun and cool if it has background music, but the reality rarely quite lives up to it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeboy749r Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Top Tips! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soapsuds Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] -You don`t pay prostitutes for the sex, you pay them to go away afterwards. [/ QUOTE ] love it !!! Not that i have of course..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyDub Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] - It is impossible to have a debate about the pros and cons of the USA without the phrase "all be speaking German right now" being uttered. [/ QUOTE ] True but what they also seem to forget is that so would they if there were 2 more votes for German instead of English as thier native language when they were voting on this subject 250 odd years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanKHotay Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] - It is impossible to have a debate about the pros and cons of the USA without the phrase "all be speaking German right now" being uttered. [/ QUOTE ] True but what they also seem to forget is that so would they if there were 2 more votes for German instead of English as thier native language when they were voting on this subject 250 odd years ago. [/ QUOTE ] BBZZZTT...wrong answer. Refute ze German BS M'kay? And, FWIW & FWIK, I doubt Hitler would've forced German on you'all...that's assuming the absurd idea that they'd have defeated you'all. Thumbs up for the Christian-in-a-church rule! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyDub Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 FurryMuff! I just hurd it somewhere on this site the other day. Must have been wrong. Nice one for having the time to put me right though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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