Mook Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 If someone asks for a post to be removed, it generally gets done, as long as it's a reasonable request, especially if it's their own post. Nice. Moving on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Can we have some jokes now, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert was pulled over for speeding earlier today. Despite an hour of desperate pleading, the police refused to give him three points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Can we have some jokes now, please. I don't get the preceding 20 jokes. Could someone explain them for me please? :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waylander Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 How do you begin to explain Tipex, Mook and Garcon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 We defy explanation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted February 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise' 'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Two pregnant Irish women sitting down knitting jumpers, one says to the other "I hope mine's a boy, i'm using blue wool". The other one replies "I hope mine's a flid, i've f*cked the sleeves up." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M8CKN Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Two pregnant Irish women sitting down knitting jumpers, one says to the other "I hope mine's a boy, i'm using blue wool".The other one replies "I hope mine's a flid, i've f*cked the sleeves up." Surely you've posted that for no other reason than to prove your point about "anything goes" in jokes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Surely you've posted that for no other reason than to prove your point about "anything goes" in jokes? Not really, I just think it's funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M8CKN Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Few specially for Tipex A couple of lads tried to get into my car last night so I attacked them with a baseball bat. I'm not cut out to be a taxi driver. It's amazing just how often you end up getting a bl0w job from a passenger when you're a taxi driver. Especially when you have child locks. I get a bit turned on watching myself w*nking in the mirror. I did it last night, but the taxi driver threw me out. I had my first day out on the road as a black taxi driver today. After dropping off my first customer I said, "That's £144,656 please." he looked at me and said, "You mean £7.40?" I said, "No mate, nice try, the meter says £144,656." He said, "That's the mileage you silly c*nt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Few specially for Tipex A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Mumbai. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?" "Most of them become taxi drivers," she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinspark Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 As part of the investigation into traces of horse DNA being found in burgers, the Food Standards Agency have issued a further warning after finding traces of human DNA in Welsh lamb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Paddy and Mick drinking in the pub. Paddy says to Mick "what's your pet hate?" Mick says "when I put it up his arse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mook Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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