danksy Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Following on from my other posts over the last six months, I have decided to leave my wife. It wasn't an easy decision to reach, but helped enormously by the fact that even though I thought we had been trying to make things work I found out she had been screwing her boss right up until Feb So I am moving out on Saturday 9th June and looking forward to some peace and quiet and some space of my own away from home. Even if she takes me to the cleaners financially i just want to move on and start afresh I feel upbeat and confident in the situation, helped enormously by the fact that I have had a few dates with someone in the last 2 weeks who makes me feel wanted and loved. I know it's early days in that department, but it's a huge boost to a battered self esteem A huge thanks to all those who have phoned/emailed/txt'd and PM'd me with support. Also those who have taken me out and got me plastered on numerous occassion, you know who you are I am sooo looking forward to a great summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustynuts Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 It's the only way forward, mate. When things go wrong, take what you can and get going, 'cos there's nothing to be gained by waiting around for the inevitable. Go on, son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] So I am moving out on Saturday 9th June and looking forward to some peace and quiet and some space of my own away from home. [/ QUOTE ] errm that'll be the Le Mans trip then will it ? Seriously, I really feel for you mate as you're the 100% innocent party and I can't imagine what it must have been like. You gave it all you could but unfortunately she didn't. Moving on now is the only sensible choice you have. Best of luck on this new phase of your life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhyds Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 From your posts Dansky I think you've handled more rubbish than any bloke should, so rejoice in your new found lust for life and get some cider down you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_tdi Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 As previously said mate, give yourself a big pat on the back for trying so hard rather than just quitting a long time ago like most of us would! Best of luck in the future and the next chapter in your life! Look forward to a few beers when I move! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lottiefox Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Danks you tried all you could - you can and will do better and deserve someone who respects you. Its tough but you're already coming through stronger and eventually, happier. And we will still go out and get lashed if its the last thing I do!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danksy Posted June 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] And we will still go out and get lashed if its the last thing I do!! [/ QUOTE ] It may well be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Enjoy your 'summer of love'. I had one when me and my wife split 2 years ago - and its still going on. I think you may surprise yourself at just how unhappy you were and how happy you can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Dansky - Everyone has already posted the same as I would say to you. I'm afraid that there'll be plenty of highs and lows to come during the process right up to getting your Decree Absolute - It can become a very bitter battlefield. I'm not trying to make you feel down but just preparing you for what can happen. It can also take ages. Make notes of all conversations/actions re your 'wife' and get a specialist matrimonial solicitor in readiness but one who is only aggressive when absolutely necessary. On the plus side, even if your present new relationship doesn't work out longer term, she sounds as if she'll be your guardian angel and such female attention restores any inevitable doubts in yourself. The interesting thing is that you'll doubtless be a better partner after such experiences. I've posted this before but make no apologies: If the going gets really tough re your daughter, always remember that she loves each of her parents equally and must never be used as a pawn in any battle. Emphasise this attitude to your 'wife' and make her realise that you have your daughter's best interests at heart irrespective of any war between you. I had a very acrimonious divorce (also an adulterous wife) but she has always said that as a father there was no-one better and it's probably how I have my daughter living with me 8 out of every 14 days. Our daughter never takes sides with either parent. Sorry to sound like your dad! Robin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 That's great news mate. I think also that you can move on safe in the knowledge that you really honestly did do all you could to make things right first. I'm sure that will help. Very best of luck, and you know where I am if you want a chat anytime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DHA Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] So I am moving out on Saturday 9th June and looking forward to some peace and quiet and some space of my own away from home. [/ QUOTE ] errm that'll be the Le Mans trip then will it ? [/ QUOTE ] I did wonder that too Scotty! Unless he thinks LM is a refinded experience watching some motor racing or something! Best of luck with the new start mate, have been there myself as have others above and you will be surprised what difference a fresh start can bring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Yes, absolutly agree with the sentiment the guys & girl! have mentioned above. Best of luck mate, I think you know inside that it's for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pincher Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] LM is a refinded experience watching some motor racing or something! [/ QUOTE ] Is it not? Oh bugger!! Never mind Danksy - the Hawaiian Tropic girls await Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] Never mind Danksy - the Hawaiian Tropic girls await [/ QUOTE ] ....Take your pick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shark_90 Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 [ QUOTE ] A huge thanks to all those who have phoned/emailed/txt'd and PM'd me with support. Also those who have taken me out and got me plastered on numerous occassion, you know who you are [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bounce Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Best of luck for the future danks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 Shame, but you have tried, tried and tried again. Just keep things civil for the sake of the young one . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davyk31 Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 So she was still screwing this guy even after you found out and you were meant to be trying to make things work??? Also can't believe that he was still carrying it on when you obviously knew and could easily have told his new wife or gone round and killed him. Seems incredible and terribly sad for you mate, you obviously loved her and tried to make things work and this was how you were treated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vagabond Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 You see, thats the trouble with relationships. You give your heart to someone and they rip it out of your chest and jump all over it. Once bitten, twice shy......Never a better saying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 [ QUOTE ] So she was still screwing this guy even after you found out and you were meant to be trying to make things work??? Also can't believe that he was still carrying it on when you obviously knew and could easily have told his new wife or gone round and killed him. Seems incredible and terribly sad for you mate, you obviously loved her and tried to make things work and this was how you were treated. [/ QUOTE ] Thats why Danksy is on a winner. He tried his best and still she cheated. He will always know in the future that he tried his hardest and it wasn't his fault. Whereas, she will always have that nagging feeling of 'did I do the wrong thing....?' I would imagine that this would be the first thing that would come into her head any time she has any kind of disagreement with a future partner. I know thats what I would think. It would be very hard to move forward IMO, always the 'did I screw a good life up big time' question haunting you for the rest of your life. Danksy can always look anyone in the eye and say 'she cheated on me repeatedly and I tried my best but it wasn't good enough for her' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davyk31 Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 Yes totally agree with that last post, Dansky could have walked away right when he found out but gave it another go thereby he knows he tried all that he could. She acted incredibly by still fooling around and therefore threw away all her chances with Dansky. She may well regret her actions in the future, especially if her boss is still with his wife. What does she have then, just a cheating boyfriend who is having an affair with her probably just for the sex and the excitement of it all. And what happens if his wife finds out, does he then leave her for Dansky's wife and do they even want to be together full time or does this guy end the affair and Mrs Dansky is left with nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 Well, I know things aren't black and white, but IMO 'Mrs D' must be a total bitch to have behaved like she has into February(?). I doubt if she's got any conscience or if she's very caring, but obviously I don't know her. Some women will always blame someone else to justify their own actions to themselves. Time to tidy up, however long it takes, and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 [ QUOTE ] Some women will always blame someone else to justify their own actions to themselves. [/ QUOTE ] Never a truer word spoken. Sometimes you just have to let them get on with it, not even worth trying to have a sensible conversation because they will only ever see things one way, their way. Bit different if you're married to them obviously as Danksy was, and in that case (particularly with a child involved) he was spot on to give it his best shot. But it is indeed true that there are some women who, even if they continually fall out with friends, relatives, whatever, still cannot see that they could be in any way to blame. To be fair there are probably blokes the same, but in my experience certain women do have a particular nack, shall we say... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 ....That's right - Some and not all women but such a trait does seem more common in women than men. I don't think I have ever heard my ex apologise to anyone about anything! Female psychology is very different from male......Duck!!....I sense an incoming from Lottie . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lottiefox Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 Quite a few of these around as well tho.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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