CarMad Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 Wow, as others have said its hard to know what to say, you have my deepest sympathies. How you deal with it will be different to everyone else, and I'm sure you did more than enough for her after your Dad died. Tomorrows is the first day of the rest of your life and its in your control, make of it and do with it what you want, be positive, be strong be you; whatever that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eldavo69 Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 When you hit 40 it sounds like going through the Manoporsche will be very good for you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Tomorrows is the first day of the rest of your life This might sound ridiculous, in fact it does because there is absolutely no evidence behind it whatsoever, but.... Back in 2002 I was on a 'course'. It was ran by a guy from the USA who, despite his accent and trait of singing everything he said (or so it sounded), spoke a lot of sense. He was a motivational guru of sorts, albeit the main motivation he gave me was an overwhelming desire to stove his head in. However.... As we exited the room on the last day he said what is written in the quote box above. I'd heard it before, of course. Many times. He said it differently though. I've no idea how, or why, and nor can I put much sense to it, but it flicked a switch. Not just with me either, but a woman on the course who has since gone on to do quite incredible things (multi-millionaire and now quite a philanthropist). I have tried to remember it most days, but like anyone else with plenty of weaknesses I regularly forget. The point I wanted to make though was that she told me a year or so later that the guy from the USA reckoned that if you had that quote written as "Today" by your bedside, front door, office and in your car, that it would almost certainly have a large impact on your chances of success in whatever you chose to do. Every time I've thought of that I can see the sense in it. I think I might do it. Tomorrow. Edited March 2, 2014 by NewNiceMrMe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 Steve, so sorry to read this, I'm more than a bit shocked. I hope you manage all the practical stuff OK and come to terms with what has happened in good time. Rotten news. Life starts at 40? Take care chap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-bmw Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 I cannot imagine what you must be going through, sure I have buried my Mother but not in anything like your circumstances. Just take your time & you will come through it in your own way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mook Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 TS, I'm really sorry to hear this. To answer your original question, although it's not about what you should feel - it's about the different emotions you'll go through - you'll go through all three and a shed-load more besides. The human brain is an amazing thing, but it's also got an amazing ability to fück with itself. Like a lot of people have said before, take your time and accept that all the emotions you'll end up going through will pass and you'll come out the other side as a stronger person. Trust me, I know. The very best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinspark Posted March 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 Went into the house today and started to piece together events. Seems she had made peace with herself and all those close, then quietly taken herself off to the summer house to depart. She spoke to me on Friday 14th Feb., and the TV paper was open on 16th. She was found on 24th after neighbours raised the alarm. The answer phone had half a dozen messages on it from the manager of the charity shop where she volunteered. Piecing it all together really helped, as I was kicking myself for not phoning her for 10 days between the last call and the police finding her... But it seems I'd have been too late to change anything anyway. Funny thing was that our last conversation was much shorter and more upbeat than usual... She didn't complain about her health or about her doctors... She was just making sure I was ok and happy. All makes sense now. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinspark Posted March 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 Got back home yesterday afternoon. All funeral arrangements have been made - aside from the date. It's becoming a bit stressful now - the police coroner has only just finished doing his stuff, now he has to pass it back to Stockport coroner, who will, at some point, hopefully very soon, issue an interim death certificate and release the body. Then we can get some closure via the funeral and cremation. I really hope nobody else here has to go through dealing with the suicide of their next of kin, as it isn't an easy experience and leaves you hanging in limbo for far too long. The inquest was opened today - we'll be in court in June. I admire her strength of character in taking things into her own hands and departing on her terms before health issues ruined her final years... but I'd also like to be able to go back in time and tell her just how much pain it has caused those close to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TP27 Posted March 6, 2014 Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 TS - as otters have said, really feel for you. Horrid situation to have to deal with but you do seem to be coping as best you can. Stay strong, hope the next week or so is not too tough for you. All the best, TP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted March 6, 2014 Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) I admire her strength of character in taking things into her own hands and departing on her terms before health issues ruined her final years... but I'd also like to be able to go back in time and tell her just how much pain it has caused those close to her.No you wouldn't.Part of closure is acceptance, however nasty that metaphorically tastes- let her go. You know that she would never have intentionally caused the heart pain or the pain of the efforts you are having to apply. In peace. Edited March 6, 2014 by Calm Chris 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick Posted March 6, 2014 Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 Twinspark, my deepest condolences to you and your family. Lay her to rest and put some closure to this chapter. We all lead different journeys and she chose a shorter route for herself, I'm sure she didn't mean to make you all hurt as much as you do and hope she has found the peace she wanted. My mum lost her sister who tried to commit suicide and died a few days later in hospital when I was just 5. I still remember it all vividly, even now nearly 35 years ago - we had to stay with a neighbour while my mum and dad stayed in London. She left 5 children, some of who came to live with us but is still a very much hush hush subject amongst our family. I've never really said anything about it I used to see her face regularly in my ceiling skylight window when I was younger, nearly like she was watching over me. I mostly thought as I got older that maybe it was just a dream but everytime I have every had a tarot reading or seen a medium it always comes up .... I now think of her as my guardian angel and can't quite shut my bedroom curtains completely so she can peek in if she needs to - I only have vague memories of her in real life but it still upsets me now when I think about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Chin up, chap, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinspark Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Death certificates arrived this morning - so we can now at least start to deal with everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mook Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 TS, I realise it may be far too early to even contemplate one thing and I don't even know if you have kids, but please don't lock this away and never talk about it. My mum died when I was six and it was never ever talked about. It fücked me up for a long time, not being able to talk to anyone about it and I still have occasional wobbles. I didn't get to address it until I was almost 40. I completely get that it must be extremely difficult, almost impossible to come to terms with - just talk to people about it. Not necessarily how, but about the fact that it happened. Not talking about it can nearly destroy people inside. That's all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Seconded. It wasn't a death in my case, but it was Something That Was Never Talked About. Does irreparable harm. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Death certificates arrived this morning - so we can now at least start to deal with everything. Not sure how complex your Mums stuff was, but most will want to see an original certificate. So the more you have the quicker things get done. Just one means post it off to bank, two weeks later it comes back, then post it off to insurance, two weeks later it comes back etc. We got half a dozen and hit six at once, then once the certs came back did the next tranch of "need to see" the certs. Pretty sure the council tax needed to see one to suspend payments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 An assistant of mine used to work in a major life insurance company, they insisted on seeing the original death certificate. No ifs, no buts, no maybes. It caused a lot of complaints from people who would write in to point out the extra hassle this created, exactly when they didn't need it. One morning, a director stormed into the office where the group that dealt with the death certificates worked. He'd finally snapped under the weight of complaints and (very angrily) accused them of dragging the company's name through the mud and causing no end of hassle to very distressed people, and point blank ordered them to accept copies. He then left for lunch. When he came back from lunch, there was a perfect copy of his own death certificate sitting on his chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 When he came back from lunch, there was a perfect copy of his own death certificate sitting on his chair. I guess that trumps a P45. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patently Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 He took the hint and agreed to let them insist on seeing originals. Apparently, the fake was perfect and undetectable. Apart from the bloke standing there reading it, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinspark Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 If only there was a network of computers which were all inter-connected and allowed people in remote locations to verify reference numbers with the issuing authority... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 If only there was a network of computers which were all inter-connected and allowed people in remote locations to verify reference numbers with the issuing authority... Lol, I remember when the computer boom started and we were all told it'd be the end of paperwork, didn't quite work out did it, in fact a lot of the time it just doubles the workload, as you have to do both paper and on line now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 I guess they are so heavy handed to prevent fraud. This site helped us identify a few hidden accounts (my Mum pre building societies converting to PLCs had accounts everywhere to qualify for shares) http://www.mylostaccount.org.uk/aboutus.htm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saab Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. Don't try and move on too quickly give yourself time to grieve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eldavo69 Posted March 8, 2014 Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 TS - as otters have said, really feel for you. Horrid situation to have to deal with but you do seem to be coping as best you can. Stay strong, hope the next week or so is not too tough for you. All the best, TP. TS - ignore the otters at your peril! Make sure that the procedural stuff doesn't get in the way of your grieving process though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stooH Posted March 10, 2014 Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 Only just seen this TS sorry to hear this horrendous news. I hope you find some closure in your own way and your own time. Let life begin at 40 for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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