collease Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 Strange question i know but i am fed up of being on my own and i have no confidence to talk to women when out. I have tried the internet dating but not being your steryotypical sex god most ladies ignore me. I am at a loss as to how most guys manage to talk to woman when out. I can talk to women on line i can talk to them in work situations and friend groups and end up becoming their friends and nothing more. Anyone got any sensible segestions as to how to meet women without having to go to a club and hit on the most drunk women there. Thanks in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 I've got a mate, nicest chap you'll ever meet, do anything for you, but he's never had a girlfriend, he's got lots of friends who are girls, but never got any further than that, similar to your situation I'd guess. He's a bit shy when it comes to actually making the move, but not shy at all generally. Well, until recently that was, he finally manned up, got fed up of everyone thinking he was gay and just asked someone, since then he's realised that it's not hard, and that yeah, you'll get rejected occasionally, but so what, if you ask enough girls, the law of averages say's one of them will say yes. And that I'm afraid, is what it boils down to, what's the worst that can happen? just be honest, if you like someone, just approach them and say something like 'hi, i'm a bit shy so bear with me, but do you fancy going out sometime?' if they say no, you've not lost anything, you're in the same place you were before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collease Posted June 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 This is what i have been trying to do. Need to obviously be braver and not think too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza_g Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 Fortune favours the brave, he who dares and all that jazz - strangely Tipex comment about just 'giving it a go' actually makes sense...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 Tell them you've got a massive cock? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Fortune favours the brave, he who dares and all that jazz - strangely Tipex comment about just 'giving it a go' actually makes sense...! That's always been my philosophy, even at school. Law of averages means that if you ask enough girls, or the same girl enough, eventually you'll get a yes, if you aint fishing, no ones gonna bite! It obviously works, as there is no other real rhyme or reason why I've ended up making babies with a slim blonde half* my age! *ok, that might be a lie, but she's nearly ten** years younger than me! **ok, so that might be stretching the truth again slightly, but she really is six years younger than me, and way out of my league! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sponge Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Strange question i know but i am fed up of being on my own and i have no confidence to talk to women when out. I have tried the internet dating but not being your steryotypical sex god most ladies ignore me. I am at a loss as to how most guys manage to talk to woman when out. I can talk to women on line i can talk to them in work situations and friend groups and end up becoming their friends and nothing more. Anyone got any sensible segestions as to how to meet women without having to go to a club and hit on the most drunk women there. Thanks in advance Any of the 'friends and nothing more' have the potential to become something, more? It sounds like you might have a few possibilites already available to you? If you don't want to jeopardise their friendships, do you have any interests you could utilise to meet new people, e.g. a photography club? I'm sure there'll be some women there. How about booking a singles holiday? I'm crap and always have been at chatting to women in pubs and clubs. My mates took the approach already mentioned of hitting on anything that moves and more often than not got lucky. I on the other hand chatted to the bird in my local video shop for several months until I plucked up the courage to ask her out. We now have three kids and a mortgage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Why do you feel the need to talk to women any differently to anyone else you know ? It would make you feel even more uncomfortable than you already are. It's a cliche, but be yourself, be confident and happy with who you are and how you are, women like confidence and being confident doesn't always mean being the loudest person in the room. Oh, and chicks dig sportscars, so lose the Civic You're a brave chap posting this, I wish you good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stooH Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 You say you've tried the internet dating but it's not worked maybe you need to try different sites, reset expectations, look a bit harder etc I had a mate very similar to the one Tipex mentions, always single, never had a girlfriend, really nice chap (but absolutely not a looker), not particularly lacking in general confidence but always had girls as friends not girlfriends, he signed up to an internet site, chatted with a girl a few times, they met up, started dating, i'm going to their wedding in October My mum also met my stepdad through the local paper singles pages (pre-internet). Persistence! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 As a long time single bloke myself I understand a lot of what you're saying. Honest question: are you still good friends with Pink Princess? If so, does she have any eligible single friends? Introduction by a mutual (esp female) friend is a pretty effective route. You could all go out together maybe a couple of times. If nothing comes of it, there's no harm done and you may gain a couple more friends. Internet dating sites can be a difficult one. At least one of my friends reckons I should try it. He's recently separated and recommends Match.com. I've always thought the advertising for Harmony seems good - and might attract better prospects for a real relationship than just the desperately in need of a shag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 What sort of age range are you interested in? Sports cars, flash clothes, and a few hundred pounds of spends (every time you meet) tends to vacuous types. Wallet love. Whats wrong with some Internet dating, or a speed date? If you want the gentle, know them first approach take up hobbies that suit the demographic of the type of person you would like to meet. Wine clubs, cookery classes, interior design, book clubs (50 shades reading material), dance classes are a few off my head type suggestions where there tends to be more girls than boys. If you go looking for love it is hard to find. Chill, go looking for friends, invest in friendship first. Such friends should either be on the market for a relationship, or have access to mates that they could setup dinner dates or initial get to know them type events. As for moving from friend to lover well that can be easy or near impossible, the trick seems to be showing more interest and offering invites to activities that allow for one to one chats and events. Common interests is a key, find someone that likes to do the same things and then progress. Once introductions have been done, a second group type event should follow, after that it's time to suggest a date. Use the word date, it is a signal of intent. Saying would you like to do something together is a weaker signal, a date suggests romance. Swallow pride, and asking female friends what they see as a signal for romance rather than friendship. Asking them what they think of your image may help you change a few things about yourself that will allow for potential partners to see you as romance material rather than friend material. Girls also have access to other girls, mates than may be looking, and a friend intro is a few steps up the ladder from cold calling strangers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Let's be honest. Do you really want a bird? Theyre a bloody pain most of the time and take all your money. They want jewellery and nice outfits, pets, make up. And then kids! Stick to being single, get a flash 2 seater sports car, pull a few birds every now and again and you'll be a happy man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milo Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Chloroform, a club and a large butterfly net like the one off Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Always works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Yes but collease doesn't go out down the Bigg Market... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milo Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 This is just down the local supermarket, I'm on about. In Newcastle i have take my shitty stick out with me to fend them off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewNiceMrMe Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 A tale for you...(a true one)... Friend of mine was crazy over a girl at the age of 18-19. She was, without question, one of the best looking women you could ever meet. A blonde stunner with ice blue eyes who had blokes constantly approaching her and asking her to go out. In nightclubs, anywhere, she'd be the one other girls would look at and hate. He used to stand across the room from her and wish and wonder. Totally and utterly out of his league of course. He wasn't a good looking guy, but wasn't a pig either, but he had absolutely zero self confidence after years of bullying at school. He worked at a local council depot as a general dogsbody and lived with his parents. This went on for years. He'd half kill himself in agony as he watched blokes chat her up and then he discovered she was engaged. She married, had a couple of kids and life moved on. Then, aged about 34.... He was still single. Never dated in all that time. The guy was a bloody hermit. He'd moved on in his work - he was now manager of the dogsbody team. But not a senior manager, in fact nothing much had changed. Stopped going out completely and was ready for a life of looking after his parents in old age and inheriting their small 2 bed bungalow. Then he's out one day, at work, and chasing up some of his team of dogsbodies who have gone missing from the job they're meant to be doing at the local park. Scouts around the park, no sign of them, gets back to his council van and is about to jump in it when he spots a woman out of the corner of his eye. They catch each others glance, he looks and looks again. She stops and looks and he gives a half-smile and then he realises who it is. It's her - the woman he was head over heels in love with 15+ years ago. <next bit is my words based on what he told me> She's with a young girl of about 10-11 years old. She says hello and follows it up with "I know you from somewhere but I can't think where...". For the first time in his life he found a bit of courage and says "Oh yes, I think I used to go to some of the same pubs and places you did a long time ago." A little conversation ensues, she's parked nearby and her daughter (the 10-11 year old) gets in the car. She tells him how shes divorced. Out of nowhere he says (moreorless from what I recall him saying) "I've never been married to be divorced, but I'm surprised you're divorced cos he must have been mad to let you go. I fancied you for years back then but knew you had lots of blokes chasing you..." hahah, giggle, giggle, and so on making light of it. <skip a bit of time> They're still together today, have their own 3 year old son, he's left the public sector and set up his own gardening company because of the boost in confidence she's given him. The crux of it being - she'd fancied him all those years ago too. But she didn't want to make the first move. They are, easily, the most solid and devoted couple I have ever met. She still gets blokes stop dead in their tracks because of how good looking she is. He still thinks hes living in a dream world and that he'll wake up soon! The moral of the story being.... It probably won't ever happen to anyone else, he's just a totally jammy t-w-a-t. No, seriously, the thing is - you just never know if you don't speak to them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theduisbergkid Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 This is just down the local supermarket, I'm on about. In Newcastle i have take my shitty stick out with me to fend them off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruiser647 Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Mr Col - how do you chat to women at work? If you have a new starter in the office, and she's a woman and you have to help her. How do you chat to her? I can't remember if you are on the sales side, but if you are - how do you approach a woman in the showroom? Yes, she is there for a purpose and so are you. But, in a pub/club you are also both there for a purpose. To have fun, drink and chat to nice people. No real difference between work and out and about really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanG Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 My confidence was destroyed a couple of years ago when my wife 'discarded' me. Still not really able to talk to women, definately not able to have a relationship and really unsure if I will ever trust someone again. Loneliness can be a bit depressig, particularly when I'm in London. Holiday alone all the time too, but don't really mind that - I like my own company these days. However, I have a dog, a little Jack Russell. Mans best friend. She lives with my folks when I am not around, and keeps me company when I am (loves the roof off the car!) Great fun, known as 'Pub Dog' in the local. Loving, playful and always waggy, changed my life. Plus.... Women LOVE little dogs and melt when they see her. Lots of times when I am out walkin with her or in the pub with her she will attract nice girls.....So much so that male friends have asked to borrow her to chat up women...! Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
collease Posted June 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Ok i will try and answer all the questions. I am looking for clubs and activities to do but funds are tight and most things that interest me cost too much. Bad excuse i know but it's true at the moment. Dance classes could be fun though as i have not looked into them and the fact i have no rythem could mean at least i will make people laugh . I work in the accounts department and if we have a new starter it takes me weeks to even say anything other than hello. Once i do get to know them and start to talk to them it's still difficult. It takes me ages to make friends with anyone enough to be comfortable enough to just talk to them without fear. It is all about confidence i know and i have very very little. Yes i am still best friends with PP but she does not have any single female friends as most of her friends are male or are a little too young for me. Age wise i am looking between 25 and 37 as thats a 6 year age gap either way. Thats not too bad if you ask me. I know age does not matter and it don't bother me but most 18-23 year olds won't be into the same things as me . I am not a clubber never have been. I don't mind quiet pubs but not being a big drinker i tend not to go to these either. Internet dating i have tried for nearly a year now on various sites paid and free. All with limited success. I either get people contacting me who clearly have nothing in common with me or are just not what i am looking for. I am not looking for a stunner but i don't really have a type other than i prefer Brunetts to blonds but even with this i am willing to branch out :D. At the end of the day i just need to accept that i have to actually talk to someone and risk making myself look like a tit. Like you all say if you don't ask you won't ever know. For the record though when i am with PP and her husband out for an evening i can manage to talk to people much better as i kind of feed off their confidence. It probably sounds wierd but it's true. The only down side to this is that most of the people they end up talking to are already loved up. Anyway genuinely want to thank you all for all your comments. I will try and put them to use apart from the chloroform and the butterfly net i feel this may be beyond my skills Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 You should try clubbing, one whack and you're shagging all night long! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonC Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah, a corpse though, Luke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Yeah, a corpse though, Luke If it's still warm I guarantee I've had worse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Don't knock it til you try it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza_g Posted June 29, 2012 Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Stick to being single, get a flash 2 seater sports car, pull a few birds every now and again and you'll be a happy man. Thats how I roll, just don't tell my wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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